No two children with Autism look the same, but they are all struggling with the same issues.

We are all struggling with the facts, the way society treats people and the fact there is no cure.

Our Family has been forever changed by Mason, we are better people because of Mason.

We have grown more than most in a lifetime.

Autism or no Autism, Mason is just my son.

We all have our quirks, Mason’s are pretty typical if you look at the latest statistics. One child in eighty eight children will be diagnosed this year with Autism.

You think it can’t happen to you, it can’t happen to your family and then it does.

Make yourself aware of our struggles…

Stop judging that Mom in the grocery store…

Open your eyes, and except that everyone is different.

We all have our struggles, we all reach our limits, and then have our limits pushed. We all succeed and we all grow.

No struggle is more than another…

It’s just a different struggle.

Autism effects my family.

Autism will not DEFINE my family.

Autism does not define Mason.

We will continue to fight for Mason and for every other person who is different in some way or another.

I think this video sums up everything that needs to be shared.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2B1FeS5VX4

It’s been one long pukey morning.

Ugh.

It’s not always all fun and games with three boys and another on the way.

We are on the up and up, Mason is feeling pretty stinkin good most days! Why??

After the whole “Dr” mess of wanting to put Mason in BC Children’s Youth and Child Pysch Ward at 3.5 years old, we decided we needed some new Drs. that where wiling to try new things not just hide him away.

We had already talked to a new Private Pediatrician about taking on Mason’s care and she had wanted to take some time to read over Mason’s extremely large file and research his Rare Genetic Syndrome. So when we received the call from her office saying she wanted to take him on while we just in the mess of the “Pysch Ward Incident”, we were really looking foward to meeting her and getting help to work with these other Drs.

When we met her she was kind, open, straight forward and had a number of tests and Drs. she felt Mason needed to have and see. We were instantly impressed that she had gone into such detail with Mason’s file and was already wanting to fill in the gaps. Since we first saw her in Mid October she has set up more appts with Specialists and changed and gone over medications. We are waiting for some tests to help us understand Mason and his issues with sleep.

After our first two visits with the Dr. she brought up the fact she believed Mason had severe ADHD, and she thought there was enough severe symptoms to be a full diagnosis of ADHD, not just parts of his Autism. She wanted to do an asessement, talk to and have his teachers and all his workers fill out questionaires. So everyone took part and Mason at 3.5 received a diagnosis of ADHD and we were warned that it was pretty severe do to the sheer amount of symptoms at his age.

Then the talk about Medication finally happened. We had been asking his other Dr. about ANY kind of medication to help him calm down, the violence that he caused himself and distruction of the house and others was just so much for a three year old. The fact that Mason was completely unable to play with anything on his own even for a minute or two was another issue. Developmentally he could do alot, but functionally in everyday life just getting his own pants on was a HUGE struggle for him. Preschool was both fun and very hard for him, his full time worker at school’s main goal was to get him to sit at one activity for 2 mins. That is NOT a long time people. Mason at the start of January new three colors, and a few numbers. That was it! Our old Dr. just wanted him to go to the Psych Ward then… He now knows all his colors and alot of his numbers! We are working on the Alphabet

Our new Dr. saw the need and had Mason checked out by Cardiology, because yes no one had ever checked out his heart even with all his different health issues! Cardiology gave a clean bill of health, PRAISE JESUS! So after some discussion we decided as a group to put Mason on a Drug similar to Ritaline, but called Biphentin. It has far less side effects and is drug that can be released all day long so there are no “high and lows”, no over drugging at one point of the day and not enough later.

The changes were immediate and they shocked all our pants off! Mason is generally alot happier during the day and his violent tempter tantrums are much less than they used to be. Mason is able to to play for much longer periods of time, and when I say play I do mean “Mason play”. Which is way better than it used to be.

Mason has changed in the following ways:

- Mason is able to sleep through the night, most nights!

- Mason is playing by himself, he plays with toys very different than most but I am NOT complaining.

- Mason is nicer to his workers, there is not so much screaming, hitting and scratching. His workers are actually enjoying him.

There has been one shocking thing through Mason being medicated, he is far more Autisic than we though. It turns out Mason’s AHDH was so severe that he couldn’t even see everything or much going on around him. It’s likely that he was so unregulated all the time b/c he couldn’t focus for any length of time to see what was there right in front of him. This is makes me so sad, and so happy he is medicated. I know having ADHD myself and being not medicated at the moment while carrying our fourth little man, just how hard and frustrating it can be to not be able to function very well. And Mason is far worse than me.

So Mason is showing so many more typical signs of Autism than we all previously thought, but this okay. We know have a Child that people can actually work with, we can work with the typical Autism features now. Everyone on a whole is happier including Mason.

My little boy is the happiest little boy he has ever been!

Does this make Mason easy to do deal with? No, but easier and we can see a light that is shining down on him now.

Mason loves to line and catagorize EVERYTHING in our house. I though I would show you some of the things he has actually been able to do now!

This was the first thing Mason did when he got his meds, he was sitting in his room and saw these out of order in his closet. What you can’t see is that Mason also opened every last one of these bottles, getting through three child protections. That takes FOCUS!! LOL He only ruined $100 of Pedialite.

Mason and Carter making Snow angels at Church on the main stage!

Mason posing with me to have his picture taken, SO NORMAL!

This picture and the next show all the cars lined up on end, the way Mason believes everything in the house should be!

Mason’s out in the Snow, melt down and strip down. And no he didn’t get sick I made him go inside right away! And yes he is walking around in the snow in his socks and doesn’t even notice.

My favorite little Spiderman!

*I understand COMPLETELY that everyone has the right to their own opinion. However, if you feel like you need to leave a negative one, please just write it on a piece of paper and throw it our]t instead. We have had to make some very big decisions and we are happy with the outcome and so is Mason! Medication has been the right decision for our health, Mason’s health both Mentally and Physically. 

Yes, we are expecting our forth Boy! After our Ultrasound today, everything seems good with this little Man.

I will have another Ultrasound next month to check on things, as I seem to be a complicated & have fun pregnancies!

My Midwives dropped my care today after finding out I am now Insulin Dependant, I am upset and feel let down by these women. This was discussed at the very first appointment when we were thinking about using them. I would like to ask for prayer as we look for care once again. I am looking for another Midwife willing to take on a complicated case or looking for an OBGYN. Struggling with been dropped like this, but also Celebrating this little Man who is going to join our crazy family.

Best quote of the day whilst telling people about our little Man, “It’s way better to have the fifth as a girl”.

I know that it’s very normal to be sad about the little one who has gone to heaven.

On January 24th I will go to the Dr. at the very end of the day for another ultrasound. This time we know there is only one baby and we will find out what the sex is. I am sitting here wondering and dreaming what the little baby in my tummy is, I want to feel more connected. I am also scared to go and find out what the sex of this little one is, to connect. I know that no matter what we will also know what we lost.

I am not sure how I am going to feel, I am anxious to find out how our family dynamic may change, I am anxious to know if the baby is still healthy. I am anxious and I am not sure if I am ready to know what we lost.

Many of you know this is not our first loss, and the little girl that should be here with me is sitting in Heaven too. I am not sure why the recent loss feels so much different.

I will not see this baby in a “baby” form.

I will not hold this baby and I will not say goodbye to this baby.

And yet I will.

Everytime I look at this new baby that is going to be delivered, I will know the mirror is missing. I am sure it will get easier, I am sure that there will still be difficult days.

I am sure that this is another season that will pass and just be a memory, but for now I am feeling this season.

And I am not going to just get over it.

I am not and have not forgot.

And I appreciate the Dr. who actually cares about the loss of this Baby, and realizes it’s not just some Fetus. I don’t think any Baby is.

I have Gestational Diabetes again, and I am struggling.

This week has been a hard week, but I am so grateful that I have not lost both babies.

I am so grateful to feel the little flitter and flutters in my belly.

I am just a little lost, but I know through him I will find myself again.

I just hope I don’t lose to much in the meantime.

Yesterday we went for an Ultrasound to see the Twins, check on how they were doing and to confirm that they were indeed Mono Amniotic Twins.

As I sat and looked at the flat screen in front of me I knew, we have lost one of the Babies. The Dr. confirmed almost right away that we had lost one of the Babies and they had been Mo Mo Twins. We did get to see one very healthy little Baby, hands, feet flapping around and all.

Our Dr. was great and told me where every bit of this baby was, even though I already knew.

He gave us two pictures and told us this is now a much less complicated pregnancy. I am still considered High Risk, but nothing compared to before with the two babies.

We are sad, very sad.

We are also ok, we understand that this is part of God’s plan and that the little one we lost is now in Heaven with our Heavenly Father and Nick’s Dad. The last few weeks have been hard on the family with Nick’s Dad being gone, missing all this “life”. Missing being a great Grandfather…

We are sad and we will be sad, but ok. It will be hard when we find out what the Sex of the babies is/was. And when this little one is born, missing his or her mirror. But I know that we will be ok, we will get through it. We are just glad that if any had to leave us that it wasn’t both of them.

What it means to be carrying only one Baby now:

- I don’t automatically have to be on bedrest at a certain time.

- I don’t have to deliver the babies at 32 weeks and have Preemies who I leave at the hospital.

- I can be here for my Family and I can be HERE.

- There is no longer a 50% chance of losing this baby.

- There is a 75% chance this baby is a girl, at this point I just want a healthy Baby.

- I don’t automatically have to have a C-Section, the odds are great I will get to deliver the baby naturally. Just like I want to.

-The Positives could not get anymore Positive, even if one of our Babies is in Heaven.

The cute pic of the very healthy little Baby and the new date is June 16th, 2012!

And the beautiful Orchid waiting for me for when I got home, from my Sister.

We would like to thank everyone for your Support and continued Support and Prayers.

This Baby will be missed.

Shocking I know, you are not the only who has been shocked right out of your pants.

I kid you not this is real.

Twins.

We are having twins.

WE ARE HAVING IDENTICAL TWINS AT THAT!

This is our news, if you see me you can stare I am getting HUGE already.

I am going to be a BIG FAT HOUSE.

We are only a couple months in, but with this being my forth and fifth and at the same time there is NO denying I am clearly pregnant.

Wow I just just said forth and fifth.

Anyways, we are having twins. I am sure God is sitting up in heaven in all his glory with a huge grin…

We were DONE. We were DONE. WE WERE DONE.

Apparently God had other plans and ideas.

With our family and with Mason we live knowing that God always provides and that we will be okay.

This is not going to be easy.

I am pregnant with twins.

For those of you that have noticed they seem to be in one sac, we will know more after Dec 12th our next ultrasound.

“As a team we cannot agree on Mason’s diagnosis or on “who” Mason is. We all see him differently we do know that there are issues and that he is suffering. We do know that something has to be done and we feel that the best way to do so is to admit Mason to Child and Youth Mental Health Psychiatric Unit.”

::HEAD EXPLOSION::

::BOOOM::

“You want to what?”

“Well we need to figure out Mason and who he is, what is causing his behaviours and what to do about them. Mason doesn’t sleep and we need to figure out a way for him to sleep, that needs to be done in a controlled enviroment. We need to talk about what meds he is on and what he needs and doesn’t need. Mason will have assessments to figure out what is wrong with him. And this is the only option to stop him from suffering.”

Now here is the History of Mason.

Mason is g-tube fed and has lots of issues with swallowing and digestion.

Mason was diagnosed with PDD-NOS a form of Autism in November 2010. This particular Dr. who called me on behalf of all the other Drs. thinks that Mason doesn’t have Autism because the assessment was done privately and we got a “pity” diagnosis. What is stupid is the assessments were done privately, but two of the three Drs. are on the team at Sunny Hill. Sunny Hill is the team he wants him to be looked at by.

The same Dr. doesn’t believe that Mason has Smith Magenis Syndrome, because we don’t have the blood tests results that back up the clinical diagnosis. Except the Genesist is certain Mason has it, do to him checking of every box. Thats why its called a “Clinical Diagnosis”. In truth Mason may not have SMS, but if you look at the characteristics of SMS, you see Mason. So thats why they gave him the diagnosis. Everything matches up.

This Dr. believes that if we could get Mason to sleep properly than Mason would do a complete 360 turn and have no behaviours. I get that behaviours can be made worse by loss of sleep, but that is not the case with Mason.

I was at the OT just after I got the call from “this” Dr. and I asked the OT his thoughts on the behaviour vs sleep issue. His answer was of course it can help, but with Mason sleep would never be enough. “There is more going on than sleep”.

Of course there are way more issues that were not addressed in this post, but I don’t care.

They feel that Mason should be admitted but wouldn’t give me any answers to all the many questions we have.

So there you have it.

My three year old Son’s Drs. believe he should be admitted to the Psychiatric ward.

Talked to someone who worked there… they don’t get three year olds.

Now what?

Well now I have a headache.

I have struggled my whole life with understanding, always questioning God about everything that happens. I have always loved God, but a constant in the past many years has been “why?”. Since having Mason there have been many times when I have asked “why God” and never really got an answer or so I thought. I think that I really just wasn’t wanting to hear him, I wasn’t reading the bible, I didn’t want to know “why”, when I didn’t know “what”.

I used to sing at church, I used to be pretty good for a church singer anyways. I gave it up, and I don’t really know why?

I was in a very dark place for a good portion of this year and I finally feel like I have come back into the light, ok I am slowly getting to the light. When we started going back to our church, the where we belong I have felt a huge movement in my life.

Can I tell you that God provides? When I look at the past fews years, there has been many times that we have had nothing left in the bank and no food in the cupboards so to speak. When these times happened and they were in the many God always provided. He provided through others, and I can’t even begin to thank you enough. I know in my heart that your families will be truly blessed, just as my family has.

Our life is still really hard most of the time and not a lot of fun, sometimes I find my self jealous of the “typical” family. This is something I am working on, is there things you are working on?

I want to do more with my life, I want to feel achievements and I want to help people. Selfish I know. I never claimed to be someone who doesn’t struggle with sin. Help people, sometimes I feel that I don’t know enough people to really help. Sometimes I feel like we need help and so do many other families, why should we get help?

God often answers my questions at church, seriously I end up sitting in service feeling that the sermons are directed right at me. That my friends is when you know God is moving in you.

I have no idea why  I chose to write about this today. It’s really my rambling head going a million miles a minute.

I feel I need to ask for help, I need you to help. This little boy Carter Bo, who has Autism has just been put on my heart. Have you read the last post  if not go read, please?

There was a little event that happened, including me thinking that Mason’s ipad and my purse had been stolen. And all you lovelies wanted to help us, and know that it has been “returned” I need your help to bless Carter Bo!

We are looking to help Carter’s family purchase a ipad for Carter to use for part of his Autism therapy. So far we have raised just over $100 in the last two days. I am hoping that with your help we can raise $600 which will cover the costs of the 16gb ipad.

I am going to ask, because its where my heart is taking me. If you go to church and you tithe, could you match your tithe this week and give this little boy and his family some help? If you don’t go to church, can you look at what you can give?

I know that many of you live on tight budgets, and so do we. But with all that we have been through with Mason, I know that God provides what we need and just when we need. Even though we have needed and often, we try to give when a family is really in need. What we give is always given back in one form or another and it is almost always more than we gave.

I could put a whole bunch of bible verses in this post to back up what I am saying, I don’t feel I need to.

From one Parent to another, help me bless this little boy.

Thank you for your consideration and help!

To know more about the purse incident, Carter or to donate go here

Or if feel you feel you can bless this family now here is the link.

Please feel free to spread the word on twitter, facebook and your blogs!

As I sat at the Driver’s Services this morning I had a nagging feeling. My bag couldn’t have been stolen, the time frame was just too small and on our block? Everyone is in everyones business, it just felt so wrong. So the only place I hadn’t checked in the house was this room.

We happen to be living at my parents right now until a house we would like to rent is done being renovated. This room behind the play kitchen happens to be my Dad’s home office, no children are allowed in this room and it is generally kept locked when my Dad isn’t in there. All this being said, my Dad is on a business trip and the door was apparently left unlocked. As I had the nagging feeling and it being the only room in the house that had not been checked I called Nick and asked him to check.

So he went in and there it was laying on a chair.

My purse with Mason’s ipad sitting on a chair.

We have no idea how it got there, since I certainly didn’t go in there with it. It must have been one of our children, and I must have brought it in the house. I just don’t know when. This is what happens when for three years you get very little sleep, you remember nothing and you think you are going absolutely crazy. Which apparently I have gone.

So I am so sorry to have worried and angered you all. All things happen for a reason and I have found the reason, his name is Carter.

A six year old little boy who also has Autism. Some of you may know his Mom, Elizabeth from Sew Chatty. Elizabeth owns an Etsy Shop that is filled with things for everyone. She owns this little shop so she can stay home with Carter, as most of you know from our story it’s hard to work when you have a child with Special Powers.