The only gift I can give.

This is a gift for you.
I don’t have much left to give you most days, 
I’m sorry.
Today is your day & I love you. 
We love you.
We know that you will always work hard for us. 
That you will pick up what we leave behind, what we cannot manage.
You will always provide to the best of your abilities.
We know that you are the piece that holds us all together. 
 That through all of this stress you will still be there till the end.
You are the love of our lives.
I love you for,
~the laundry being done
ok only half done, but it’s a start!
~the dishes 
~the SO good scrumptious meals
~the vacuuming & floor washing
even if it’s not to my OCD standards
I love you for picking up what I can’t…
for finishing because I can’t.
for dealing with my PDD or Stress or whatever we don’t call it.
I wish I could do more.
I could pick up my socks & say shove it.
I am going to do it all today.

Our boys look up to you,
they want to be you.
Our boys are so young…
They think that you can do anything & everything.
They believe in you & I believe in you.
The last two years have changed our lives forever.
I strongly believe that we will never be the same.
I am so grateful that you were by my side.
There is no human being I long to be with more.
As much as the stress of our crazy life gets in the way,
How tired we have become & how we have aged 10 years in 2.
~there is one one I would have rather aged so quickly with.
How we have both had to let go of our dreams only to grasp our new reality,
we have both had to change our expectations of life.
No matter how hard our world has been.
No matter how many people have doubted us,
have judged & left us.
There is no one who I could have gone through this with but you.
I have a lot of Anxiety that one day I will be without you. 
It comes with the past of our lives.
No one will ever understand what we have.
I only wish I had more to give you.
I know that there is much burden that you carry & that is our reality. 
You are a Man & you can do all things though him.
Don’t loose sight of that.
We need you.
I need you.

I am sorry for the losses, 
but I will never be sorry for what we have gained.
The experiences we have been through have been what most have in a lifetime.
I am glad to have lived a lifetime with you & look forward to many more.
Although there have been more angry stressful days lately…
I pray that soon life will be easier.
Soon we will be free to think only of the positive.
To only feel the positive.
We have aged. 
Not only because it’s your Birthday,
but because we have made this Family together.
We have been through alot together & it is not even close to over.
We have grown & I look forward to seeing your wrinkles in the near future…
better start smiling more so you don’t get frown wrinkles.
You are an old man now…
28 going on 38 I know.
Happy Birthday Hun. I love you.
Love from your Wifey.

Oh my house…

the pics to prove it.
So over the last seven weeks of sickness there have been very little pics of the kids.
but here they are…
My boys being ingnored…my house is a disaster!
Nick had to keep up with the kitchen and Laundry…Poor Guy!
And help at night with all the boys.
My one saving grace and a huge HIT was Nintendo DS…
Now I just have to figure out how to curb the boys enthusiasm to play it everyday, all day!
I just want to say I have one of the best hubbys alive…thanks Babe!
I feel like I have been that Mom that has just let go of everything.
With the weather changing I am praying for Health!
Thank you for all your prayers and offers of Soups and crackers!
Love you all!