The Special Needs Mini-Conference Blogher style.

I walked in room number 4, the Special Needs Mini- Conference. Was I really here? Looking around I became overwhelmed. I sat in the first chair I came too, next to a Mother & a Father that I had been talking to online for two years. Now I was starring at their faces. As I looked around the room, there was hot food in one corner, and a room full of these people. I sat there overwhelmed with a mixture of confusing feelings.

A beautiful HOT lunch was there just waiting for the taking. Do you know how long it has been since I had a hot meal? Three years, five months thats how long. For some odd reason guilt struck me, my husband should be here too. I went and got amazing chicken, roast beef and strawberry cheesecake. It felt good to sit there eat my food while it was hot and not have any guilt eating in front of my Son who doesn’t get eat comfortably expect from a tube.

As I finished I continued to look around the room once again I became overcome with tears. These Mothers and Fathers they knew, some more and some less. It didn’t matter, I really wasn’t alone. I had sat on my computer, sharing, venting and crying with many of these women. And now I was sitting there staring at their faces. I felt a “just wow” moment, and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

A voice started, in a rich beautiful accent, I shifted to see Julia Roberts speaking. I had heard her voice in my head many times, it was good to actually hear and see her. Another Mother, another person who knew. Another Mother who had been there and still is. Another Mother who has shown and paved away for all of us to be ok. Away to feel not so isolated, and now she was standing right in front of me. I had an urge to run and hug her as tight as I could. One by one amazing Mothers and a Father shared their story, their insight. A mother who had ADD herself and three children with Special Powers. A Father whose daughter had no hearable voice, had given his daughter a voice. The tears continued to flow.

We talked in groups, I met more women I had never met and I hadn’t known their story. Now I  do and I know their pain. I continued to silently weep.

The time was moving quickly, far too quickly. I didn’t want it all to end. As I sat there I longed to hear every story in the room. I wanted to stand up and scream through my tears, “it’s ok, but it’s also not ok”. Does that make sense? To most of you no.

And then it just ended, just as fast as it had started. I couldn’t leave, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose this moment, this moment where I was not in a room feeling like I was the only one. The overwhelming feelings were  beyond my control. I left after I hugged some of the most brilliant women I have ever met.

As I walked away, I had this feeling as though it wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I wanted to meet and hug everyone of those women and men. I couldn’t go on with the rest of the afternoon, I headed back to my hotel room unable to stop feeling, stop knowing and stop praising God for this special time he had gave me.

Blogher, The Special Needs Mini Conference, was the first time in years I had not felt isolated, people understood. They may not understand Mason, or Smith-Magenis Syndrome, but they understood. At the moment I felt changed, different, and alive.

As Blogher workshops continued nothing compared to the Special Needs conference for me. How could it?

A moment I bring back with me is meeting a Mother whose Daughter may never, walk, talk or eat orally. Some people say that is not life, that is just existing. Well I know they are wrong, because they were living, doing. That Mother was beautiful through her pain and yes I saw her pain. But the pain was so little compared to the love and happiness that shot thru her.

I have always said that I am not a “Hero” and that it bothers me when people call me that. I had a Mother call me a hero, I told her I was no “Hero”. I was just another Mother loving & raising my child, just like any other parent. This wonderful Woman came back at me, “You are your Son’s Hero”. And I guess she was right, and I am ok with that. I am just not your Hero.

I left Blogher broken, tired, emotional, and knowing, seeing, feeling a sense of being alive again. I leave with a very different perspective than most, I guess. I don’t care about the parties, the swag and all the extra bullcrap, it just doesn’t matter all that much. I am not alone.

Today I sit on the beach watching the four men in my life play in the sand and water. I am no longer wondering if other Mothers or Fathers feel the same anxiety I feel. Blogher showed me and spat in my face that I am not alone. There are other parents, they know and I am not alone.

This is what blogher meant to me. Can you say it meant the same for you?

Thank you to all who took the time to organize and put the Special Needs Conference together. I feel alive again, coming thru the ugly darkness. I feel good.

As for next year, Blogher is in New York and I am not sure I can put that kind of funds together again. I am leaving it in God’s hands. I would love to be in the presence of these amazing Men and Women again.

Here is the transcription of the Special Needs Conference.

Look for tomorrow’s post about the wonderful people I met and other crazy ramblings about Blogher 2011.